I spend most of my waking hours alone in the truck I drive for work. I am naturally an introvert, so I don’t struggle being alone for so many hours, although it is nice to be around other people when I can. The problem is that I am also an analytic. Those close to me know that I over think everything. When you put someone who thinks too much in a situation where he has way too much time to think, it can turn bad pretty quickly.
I will say that since I started driving the truck a year ago, I have had some of my most intimate times with God sitting behind that wheel. It gives me a lot of time to engage with His Spirit in prayer and worship, and has made doing this menial job tolerable. At the same time, anyone who has spent time in the presence of God, also knows that your sins and shortcomings are always exposed when He shows up.
Now, here is what you have. I sit in a truck engaging with God all night. It is a good time of worship, and negative things in my life are exposed. (This is good, and necessary for the Christian life.) Then I go home, shower, go to bed, and wake up the next day still feeling convicted about things. As the day rolls on, two things can happen; either I can continue to engage with God, and ask Him to continue to root out the things I need to deal with, or I can dwell on the failures that God exposed the night before. Being the over-thinker that I am, I usually find myself in this second position. The result? Self condemnation and a feeling of being unworthy of the intimate time God granted me. This inevitable follows by ‘avoiding’ God for a while; hiding in my shame like Adam in the Garden of Eden.
The great thing about God is that He will not leave us sitting alone in our shame. He will show up and force a response (repentance) and offer forgiveness in Christ. There is no greater feeling for me in a normal week of work than the times I am feeling unworthy of God, and He breaks in to put an end to my self pity. “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:1)”
What every Christian needs to realize about our God is that He loves us. He finds pleasure in His children, even the ones who aren’t the best at following directions. Psalm 149:4-5 says, “For the Lord takes pleasure in his people; he adorns the humble with salvation. Let the godly exult in glory; let them sing for joy on their beds.
Christian, I don’t know what you are struggling with right now. I don’t know what your emotional state is telling you about God. But I know this. God loves you, and through Christ, He is pleased in you. No matter how you feel right now, let Him break in on you. Meet Him intimately wherever you are at. Sing for joy. God is near. He wants to spend time with you more than you know.